What a day to appreciate.

It's always hard to accept something when you are in the middle of it. To know there is something greater ahead is comforting but it doesn't always make the current situation easier. In a sense I am blind to what is happening now. It's true in some areas of life- that until it's taken away do we find the point. I am really trying to pay attention to the details with this one- this struggle- I'm trying to keep a healthy perspective. And not letting little negative thoughts creep in. It happens, but as long as I am aware that things will get better, things will get better. Something great is ahead. God and His plans are always perfect and always seem to be right on time. My job is not to change things or do what I want, my job is to keep the faith. I must have faith in the One who holds my life together and I have to trust that things are going to turn out far better than what I could've done on my own. God has a beautiful way of working things out. I look forward to the day when I can look back and TRULY be thankful. And see all the things that were adding up and see all the things God was doing when I didn't notice it. I want to notice it now but it's tough to see through my selfish eyes. I am trying though. And I am grateful for this current circumstance.

Romans 5- Because of Christ AND our faith in Him- "Suffering produces perseverance, perseverance character, and character, hope."

I serve a big God. All He asks is for me to believe that and trust Him wholeheartedly.

Why is it so easy to sit around and feel sorry for myself? I will literally sit around and think about what I don’t have. I will dwell on things that I don’t have. And then I will make a plan to get what I don’t have.

I mean I have a list in my phone of some things that I want. I’m as selfish as they come.

Why is it so hard to be grateful for everything? I THINK that I am. But really, I could be a little more grateful.

I have an ache in my heart. I don’t want to need anything. I have everything. I have everything to live a very appreciative life. I have everything I need to wake up every morning feeling grateful.

I waste so much time being selfish and thinking of my future. I should probably just wake up and live. Work hard at my current purpose and take each day as it comes. Accept each day with a grateful heart. I am living a life many would like to have. And it’s embarrassing to say that I think they are more thankful for the little they have than the many much I have.

It's Winter. I am sitting on my big bed in my room. My window is open because it's 71 out. I don't want it to be 71 because it's Winter. Everything has its place and time. Dad is grilling out chicken and I can smell it through my window. I am thankful for this moment.

P.S. I like to capitalize words that are important to me. So even though I wasn't supposed to capitalize Winter because it wasn't being used in a title I did anyway.

Things I'm worried about:

Leaving people. Job. The Future. Finding a church. Making friends. Growing up. Leaving my small group girls.

Things I shouldn't be worried about:

Leaving people. Job. The Future. Finding a church. Making friends. Growing up. Leaving my small group girls.

The Lord will provide everything I need. He always does.

Folgers. I bought Folgers coffee.

Someone who loves coffee recommended it. So I got some.

I've had it before. At home. My parents drink it sometimes. Or used to.

And guess what. I'm going to educate them on the importance of using a French Press. That's my first goal for when I move back in. I'm going to convince them that it tastes much better. Well probably not. Bc they are of the older generation and set in their ways and habits.

I may or may not have just read about the History of Folgers. There's a whole Folgers website. These people are legit.

I've been soaking in these cool days. Soon it will be too cold to sit outside. And it will be too cold and dark to play outside in the afternoons. I guess it makes these times more meaningful because Winter will be here before I know it.

And my hands will be cold till March.

I was getting eaten alive by bugs and ants last Saturday when I was babysitting. We were all outside swinging and running around barefoot. And I was thinking of when I was little and how bugs and bites were far from my mind. Or maybe there are just more bugs these days.

I’m going home. I’ll be graduating and moving back in with my parents in December. It wasn’t an easy decision. It was taxing and exhausting. As most big decisions are. I’m not ready to say goodbye to anyone. I don’t like goodbyes at all. I appreciate too many little things about people which makes it complicated.

It feels like everything is ending when really isn’t it just beginning? I’m scared about a lot of things to tell you the truth. I am scared about this change. I trust God completely and I know this is the right decision. God will give me everything I need from now till graduation and after. I know all this. But I am still worried. I am already hurting about how much I am going to miss people in the near future. I am worried that I will slowly not miss these people as much. It always happens. I am believing that it WON’T happen this time. These ones are too special to lose contact with. Or to simply stop missing.

When I came to BCF I was completely miserable and depressed because of how much I missed everyone. Plus I had zero cell service so I could barely text or call unless I was in Dothan or Chipley. But over time I stopped missing everyone and got used to it. I don’t want that to happen. I am going to do everything I can to prevent that from happening.

I am relishing the final days of my college career and life. Saturating myself in each moment when I’m surrounded by the ones I love. Believing that I will never stop missing these people.

I need courage. And strength. And peace to move forward. It won’t be easy.

1. The Chariots of Fire song makes me cry.

2. Laying in the sunshine with good music in my ears gives me hope.

3. Everyone is beautiful if you think about it.

4. You know why The Police had blonde hair? I don't mind telling you. They were in a Chewing Gum commercial and they apparently didn't look punk enough so the commercial man said you need to dye your hairs blonde. They needed the money so they did. And then decided to keep it because they liked it.

5. Yellow is my favourite color right now, Laura Marling my favourite singer, and overalls my favourite outfit.

6. A Blue Moon might appear on these dates: August 2, and August 31. September 1, and September 30. I'm really hoping for the best. A Blue Moon means a rare event hence the phrase Once in a Blue Moon.