What a day to appreciate.

i have one desire. it is consuming my thoughts. holiness. i long so bad to have this. so bad that sometimes thats all i can think about. holiness is about obedience. God has commands in his word that we should really think about and try and start doing. basic things, like loving others, so many times i fall short of this. it really shouldnt be that hard. but it is, for all of us. another one is to flee from all temptation. i am tempted everyday with things. whether it be big or small. he tells us to run from it. i fail. a lot. but thats part of it. i need to start realizing that my sin grieves God. it hurts him. to be honest i dont think ill ever realize how much sin is in my life. i dont even know all the sin. but i am going to start searching. i am going to search for things that i do that pains my Savior. i am going to try and fix them. it will be hard. hence, i cant do it on my own. duh. i am going to trust God every minute of everyday. i am going to ask for strength. i am going to ask for wisdom. to make holiness a possibility, i need these things. i need to start obeying Gods word. and i need to have confidence that i can do this. it will be unbearable at times, but God is with me every step of the way. i want holiness. i really want to just have it. i dont want to go through the whole process, i just want it. instantly. however, it is the lessons i will learn and the temptations i will have that will get me to holiness. i am afraid. but excited. i want to be transformed. holiness is what i long for. my one desire.

i really do love kids. they have so much to offer. not only do they teach me life lessons, they just see life for what it is. simple. they dont complicate things, bc they cant.

somtimes all i can think about are kids. a lot of the time i think about how i wish i could be around them. they are so easy to talk to, well, some...but i love the fact that they arent thinking about what shirt you are wearing, or what you do in your spare time, or how involved you are at school or church...they just want to be with you. they want your time. they just want to use their imagination and play. they dont always need to talk.

sometimes i get really tired and annoyed with small talk. i hate it when people can spend minutes upon minutes talking about what they are going to do for the rest of the day, or what they are going to wear tomorrow or why their grandmothers friends dog got sick. if any of you know me, you know im not a deep person and i don’t spend all my time talking about deep theological things, but sometimes I want to spend time conversing with others about simple fun things, like inventions and what thoughts went through inventors minds, or why pomegranates look so different on the inside.

sometimes i can get really selfish, bc it doesn’t and shouldn’t ever matter what I want to talk about.

we should all be more like kids. just be. don’t think about things that don’t matter. i mean, i do, a lot of the time, but im trying not to.

i need to go to the zoo.

this doesn’t have anything to do with my post, I mean, its about kids, but i thought it was funny. sunday nights i help teach a little kids class, and i asked one of the boys (who sort of has special needs) to pray before we get started, and this is what he prayed…’dear God, I thank you that we love you, and i thank you that my birthday is next week, im gonna be six…..now, and forever. amen.’

this same boy is on my upward team, and he was dribbling down the court on saturday, and this boy said, ‘nathaniel! pass it to me!’ and he turned around and said, ‘I KNOW WHAT IM DOING!’ (and then he scored). so cute. i love kids.

the boy in front of me has been playing tetrus the whole time. aka an hour and 30 minutes.

the girl to the left of me has a big purple shirt. and a tilted laptop.

the chinese girl diagnal of me is falling asleep. her little eyes.

the girl across the room has a very blue streak in her hair.

my teacher has a black mark on his face from the dry eraser.

the girl to the right of me has a really tiny laptop. a leg top.

theres a woman in front of me who always wears a lot of makeup.

luckily, i am normal.

it got cold again. aka ugh. but its sunny which i love.

me and some people got tired of school food, so we went and ate at moes. and then brusters. i sat on top of the car and ate my ice cream. and then my left hand went numb.

asbestos. aka the stuff living in our dorm. aka lung cancer. that explains why everyone on my half of the dorm has been sick. including me. we are all going to have lung cancer.

early this morning i heard a knock on my door. it was the bug man. nuff said.

i painted yesterday. while my window was open. while listening to ray lamontagne.

something i need: mary poppins on dvd. duh.

if i drink milk before i go to bed, it makes me feel young. like a kid. i hope i will always have that feeling.

i am learning a song on my recorder. my recorder from elementary school. the brand is 'kingsley.' i know. such a good brand.

82 days til summer.

i am spending balumftine'th day in mississippi with a good friend. lindsey grefseng. we might hit the clubs tonight. actually we probably will. yes. we will.

happy balumftine'th day. (mexican with a lisp. duh).

weather? perfect. tennis? better serves. treasure found? always. vintage door. crystal door knob. holla. weekend? exciting. surprising lindsey grefseng. mississippi. the little rascals? last night. ray lamontagne? mmm. cannonball in the baptism? no. sunburn? yes. flipper? dolphin. upward basketball? now. bandana? perhaps.

so it was exactly two years ago today i was baptized. its a special day. it seems like forever ago. but i remember sitting in the pew and pastor harry felt the conviction of saying...'if anybody else wants to get baptized, we have extra clothes...and if you feel God telling you to come, come.' (except he used a much smart sounding language, pastoral language, if you will). this marked the first time i actually heard God say 'GO!' he spoke to me. the Holy Spirit is alive and powerful i stood up more quicker than ever and made my way down the isle. i was nervous. and my hands were shaky. i didnt want harry to ask me all those baptism questions...i remember thinking, what if i forget my name, or my age, or when i got saved, or if santa claus is real or not...stage fright. anyways, to get my mind off that, i did a cannonball right into the water. i was alive in Christ, it was an unforgetable feeling. im so glad i waited til i could really grasp and understand what was going on. so, i left that day with wet underwear. ha.

i played golf this weekend. i need to play more. i had some good hits, but most of which flew off the hill with much dirt.

today my teacher made a joke that took about 5 minutes and at the end, nobody laughed.

last night we had our 3rd intramural basketball game. my coach is black. and his name is cornelius. holla. i made two 3 pointers. he was so proud. he treated me like a gang member. in a good way. i dont hate it.

im hoping it wont get cold anymore. this weather should probably stay. or i wont be happy.

i have been really wanting to play tennis. nobody plays here, so ive been working on my serve.

there is a sign in my physical science class that reads: emergency eye wash.

92 days til summer.

this exact time last week i was headed south on a bike. me and one of my fellow dorm mates, nicole, thought it would be fun and adventurous to ride our bikes to the nearest walmart to get some essentials. aka the next town, Chipley, which is 15 miles away. we knew it was going to be hard, but in our heads we pictured highway 79 much flatter than it was in real life. florida doesnt seem that flat when biking. we struggled (and laughed) when approaching each hill. which turned out to be a mountain. however, there was never a point in time when we came to a 'descending' part. we only 'ascended.' weird huh. it was like going up stairs. we got to the top of each small (large) hill (mountain) excited to get to go downslope, but it never came. logically, we thought some of the hills we would get to coast on the way down. we were wrong in our thinking. we got about 6 miles out of graceville, which read 'one hour' on my stop watch. we passed about 7 eighteen wheelers, (or they passed us), so 7 times i tried raising my arm up and down to get them to honk, but none of them ever did. which couldve been an advantage, it probably wouldve blown me off the road. and in the end i wouldve been deaf. some road trip. we also passed countless road kill. who wouldve thought? road kill? not us. an interesting piece was a beaver. in half. even a piece of its tail was off. must have been tragic. unexpectedly we saw a field of sheep and deer. they were all sitting together. hmm. i had no idea they were friends. well, we made it to chipley, exhausted. we phoned a friend to tell him to come pick us up. we were grateful. 2 hours, 11 minutes, and 33 seconds. lance armstrong has nothing on us. duh.

i would do it again. only if i purchased a bigger bike seat. (girls, take this to heart). on a serious note, it was most definitely a learning and growing experience. you can view the world from a different perspective when using a bike for traveling purposes. more to come about this in a different post.

we even made it on the morning radio show at BCF. basically heros.

99 days til summer.