What a day to appreciate.

Some memories are the saddest memories. Think about it. For years contemplated this but have never told anyone. I imagined I was the only one who thought this but I heard a quote in a recent movie and it said basically the same thing. When I remember an inimitable memory I am immediately filled with content and also discontent. At the same time. The memories are so good you are sad you wont ever re-live them. I reflect on good memories a lot, especially during anniversaries. For instance, with it being summer I recall many memories that have been made over the years during this season. Right now I am most happy/sad when I think about Doe River Gorge. About how I got there and what might take place over the next three months and the feelings I felt upon arrival. I was frightened. I didnt know anybody and was about to embark upon new things and high adventurous activities I had never done. Shortly after intense training I knew I was supposed to be there. God so richly blessed me with incomparable friends. Memories that were made in those two summers are some of my most cherished of all. I think back on the spirit of adventure we had and shared. We took it wherever we went. We had this carelessness. Not to say we were ever in danger (ok maybe sometimes) but we just lived in the moment. And thats when I think the best memories are made. The location held something grand for us. Something magnificent. And even if it didnt, adventure was created. We appreciated new-fangled things. We also appreciated each other and these types of people are few and far between. I think a big part of this unfortunate memory sadness I always feel is the PURPOSE I had at Doe River. It was to share the glory of Christ to children and teenagers. We had a new batch every week to build a relationship with. Apart from the memories I shared w people, I shared a lot of unforgettable times with My Saviour. I wouldve been useless w out Him. We all wouldve been. I have never been so tired from doing the work of the Lord. Which is the best tired. Its those times that we are so close to the Lord. We have nothing but Him. In a foreign place we've never visited. or doing something we have never done. or being so tired theres nothing to do but seek and pray and ask for strength. Im walking with the Lord but when I look back I just feel uncomfortable...bc Im comfortable, w where I am. Im used to this, just going to school, working at the church. Granted I need the Lord but I have things and idols that take His place all the time. I want to be in a place where I dont. I want to be wholly dependent on the Lord. With my physical state and the state of my heart. Sometimes I diminish my current purpose, which is not smart. or healthy. God has me right where I am, right now. I draw near to Him and to His will. I surrender to His purpose everyday. However, I need to need the Lord more.

"To look backward for a while is to refresh the eye, to restore it, and to render it the more fit for its prime function of looking forward." -Margaret Barber, The Roadmender.

To go along with the last quote my dear friend Eric Neely, ironically from Doe River, texted me today after I told him of my problem, "...Just as good memories are out there waiting to be made..."

Dr Seuss puts it this way: "Dont cry because its over, smile because it happened."

Im getting right to the nitty gritty. bc thats the sort of mood Im in. I have been neglectful in blogging. Things have just been going fast. I havent time to settle in and blog. I need to get my bearings. I dont like it. I havent had much time to breathe. Class. and since work started at the church. I love my church. I sort of have my own very small daycare. Im keeping the staff kids this summer at the church. I love being exhausted from playing with kids. Its good.

Its also good being in Gods will. Knowing you are doing what he wants you to do brings so much peace. Im always learning what peace means. Every season is different.

This weekend was spent with the Fountains. We always have fun adventures. Those kids have a big piece of my heart. They are all such treasures. Just know we make each other laugh a lot. They appreciate things like I do. Like the clouds. and movies. and late night talks. and drawings.

Goodbye. Wait, I take that back. Im not saying goodbye.