Thursday, November 1, 2012

Winter is approaching. In America and in my Heart.

I've been soaking in these cool days. Soon it will be too cold to sit outside. And it will be too cold and dark to play outside in the afternoons. I guess it makes these times more meaningful because Winter will be here before I know it.

And my hands will be cold till March.

I was getting eaten alive by bugs and ants last Saturday when I was babysitting. We were all outside swinging and running around barefoot. And I was thinking of when I was little and how bugs and bites were far from my mind. Or maybe there are just more bugs these days.

I’m going home. I’ll be graduating and moving back in with my parents in December. It wasn’t an easy decision. It was taxing and exhausting. As most big decisions are. I’m not ready to say goodbye to anyone. I don’t like goodbyes at all. I appreciate too many little things about people which makes it complicated.

It feels like everything is ending when really isn’t it just beginning? I’m scared about a lot of things to tell you the truth. I am scared about this change. I trust God completely and I know this is the right decision. God will give me everything I need from now till graduation and after. I know all this. But I am still worried. I am already hurting about how much I am going to miss people in the near future. I am worried that I will slowly not miss these people as much. It always happens. I am believing that it WON’T happen this time. These ones are too special to lose contact with. Or to simply stop missing.

When I came to BCF I was completely miserable and depressed because of how much I missed everyone. Plus I had zero cell service so I could barely text or call unless I was in Dothan or Chipley. But over time I stopped missing everyone and got used to it. I don’t want that to happen. I am going to do everything I can to prevent that from happening.

I am relishing the final days of my college career and life. Saturating myself in each moment when I’m surrounded by the ones I love. Believing that I will never stop missing these people.

I need courage. And strength. And peace to move forward. It won’t be easy.

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